I need a texting buddy…
I need a texting buddy…
I’ve been absent lol. But man, a week ago I had someone text me. I clearly stated that I wanted her out of my life but she made it seem like I was joking. Smh, funny girl lol
Anonymous asked: What's your name?
I’m sorry for being so absent, my life has been a little out of sync recently. I honestly don’t know who I am anymore. I wake up every morning, calm, cool, and collected. Then I horse around and joke with my dad. From there I head to school; up until first period, I have the strongest urge to punch someone in the face. When the bell rings and school starts, act three begins; I become an obnoxious asshole. I make sexual comments, snide remarks, and I say mean things. Is this really who I am? Sure, I can be a jerk. I could make life for all those around me a living hell. However, I suppress those feelings. I don’t know what it is about school, I act entirely different from how I act at home. I often get caught up in this personality, I have no sense of individuality. Seldom individuals realize that I am a liar, a chronic liar. My life, my personality, is all a lie. I don’t want to be the individual that I am at school. I want to be the cool, collected, and scholarly individual that I see myself as. I guess a turn of events this year really caused me to spiral downwards. I lost someone I really loved. I wake up every morning thinking of her. I catch myself thinking about her and how wonderful she is throughout the day. And I think of her as I fall asleep. Now, do know that I rarely mean it when I say that I “love” a person. But really, I can’t live a positive life without her. I liked her a lot, I truly did. But that isn’t why I loved her. She held a place in my heart, a piece of me that was never returned. Without it, I am nothing but a fraction of my true self. I’ll be honest, this is one of the main reasons as to why I cut myself. The rest, is partially for fun and because I am a screw up. If it wasn’t for people like her, I would be the most heartless person alive. I care little about others and have a bloodlust unlike any other individual. But she calmed that side of me. I really miss her, I want her back. But I know that it can never happen. I wish I could cry… I do… I just want to go away, far away and never come back.
Great, I got sent to the office today for the cuts on my arm. The meeting, although good intentioned, was pointless. I’m obviously not in emotional distress. Individuals seldom make designs when they are emotionally distressed. Whatever, time for a physical tomorrow.